The soul of a happy man

A Witness to change

2011-12-29T03:37:00.003+05:30

Impatience, Heat, Anger
Restlessness
The need to do
To live
Stories abound
of accomplishments
knowing not...
"The more the world changes
the more it remains the same"

Fighting to change
To make it better or worse
Our eyes are shut
We stand, arms crossed
Staring into nothingness
trying hard to find
Answers
knowing not...
"the more the world changes
the more it remains the same"

Smiling over the hurt
Laughing over tears
Crying with joy
For a lonely togetherness
To love
or to hate
we try to differentiate
knowing not...
"the more the world changes
the more it remains the same"

And then,
I See a face on the street
The wisdom of years
was etched on the face
the lines spoke,
of what the eyes had seen.
And yet they were calm,
knowing...
"the more the world changes
the more it remains the same"

(Inspired by the french saying: "plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose",
meaning the more things change, the more they remain the same)

Set free!!

2011-05-26T02:45:00.002+05:30

How do you wander
and set sail,
to a land where
there is no need to succeed
or mourn the fail?

How do you kill,
the man inside
and be something more,
a river that flows,
lives, gives and roars?

How do you set free,
the heart,
thats owned by
the mind trained
not to hear, feel or see?

How do you set FREE???

Art ??

2010-01-05T03:46:00.001+05:30

What is art? And who can be called an artist? What is the job of an artist? A few questions that have racked my brains quite a number of times. Who will have the final say in the given questions? A piece of art may appeal to someone and may totally repel another.

So, should we and more importantly can we leave the question to the witnesses of art, especially when the witnesses are such varied and have such amazingly contadictory perception for anything art. Who was a better artist, vinci, michelangelo or rembrandt. They all existed in the same era, but still had such different styles. And yet there were people who appreciated them. Moving to a more recent era, Picasso, Van gogh or Goya. Also, with such fast changing definition of art, with the contemporary art (the post modern era) coming in picture, no one can really know or give an exact definition of art. And still we think of all these people to be great artists.

So, if we cannot leave the decision to the witnesses of art. I believe there's just one person who remains, and he is the artist himself. A couple of days back, a phrase got stuck in my mind...

"Egotism is the rightful right of every artist".

And I think its as true as you and me. An artist should have full freedom to decide on what he wants to create. What he wants to show through what he sees. I as an artist, see something, I perceive it, visualise a story, a tale to say through it, and then I show this story to the people. This should be my and only my right to decide on what I want to show. I feel a piece of art is an expression that has been recreated by the artist.

But why am i suddenly talking about art?Well, its not so much related to the artists I talked about above. It is because I wanted to answer to a question that I have faced myself and have seen a lot of people face. How much editing is accepted in photography? I feel whether a photograph should be photoshopped, edited, cut or pasted is all a photographer's decision. A photographer is an artist and its his decision what he wants to show the people. And when and to what extent he wants to use this right is also his decision. Its about time that the differential treatment meted out to photographers and artists (people who paint, write, act, direct or are associated with any creative field) be erased. I see something and then I visualise something, and its this visualisation that I want to show to people, otherwise I am sure people must have crossed a similar event/place/artefact quite a number of times.

The same photograph may be able to show different moods of mine or the event, by different composition styles, different color patterns or for that matter by keeping different things in focus or out of focus. Each photograph talks as much about the photographer if not more than the story behind it. A photograph is my signature on that event, and I want to keep that unique.

"Egotism is a rightful right of all photographers".

NY 2010

2010-01-01T14:59:00.001+05:30

As I had said earlier, I really don't like talking about this topic. But this is not as cliched as it might look like (or is it??). Anyways, this is just a post to observe a few things that happened to me on the 31st of december 2009 and 1st of jan 2010.

31st Dec
1. Never overestimate the number of your guests in a party. You are stuck with the food for next three days.
2. People dance a lot when they are drunk.
3. poochy poochy, is the new tune thats catching up (thanks to ricky).
4. Whether you smoke or not, never bring your arm near the lit end of a cigarette (i said arm, not the fngers).
5. Murphy is present everywhere.

1st Jan
1. Morning walks are fun.
2. Just when u go to sleep, someone calls you to wish you HNY. (point 5 above).
3. Its always good to be in a crowd of interesting people.
4. Lastly, read this quote, which is going to be my motto for the time to come...
" There will be a lot of people out there, who will tell you that you can't. What you got to do is turn around and say 'Watch me' ".

Have a great new year, and a great time ahead.
I got to do a lot...
watch me. :)

Reunited

2009-12-30T21:50:00.004+05:30

I had fallen in love with her the first time I saw her. And then the second visit confirmed it. I was besotted by her, but then we were parted. I moved far away, till the day came, and I was in Rajasthan again.

Rajasthan, how i fell in love with it when i travelled in 2007 (1, 2, 3). The people, the food, the color, the grandeur, the innocent affection, "ram ram sa" everything just captivates you. Rajasthan, today after visiting 6 cities, I can safely call it one of the most beautiful states in India. Infact if you haven't travelled in rajasthan, you haven't seen enough. The story of my third stint in rajasthan...

"When a person really desires something, all the universe conspires to help that person to realize his dream."
I got a chance to go to rajasthan utilising my core leaves. Backpacking from Ajmer -> Pushkar -> Jodhpur -> Udaipur
Every city different from the other, still a common thread between them.

Ajmer feels like any other small town with dingy lanes, narrow streets and the small shops almost kissing each other. It was all about the streets. The streets near the dargaah, shouted to keep your shoes for a meagre amount, the streets wanted alms near the holy place, the streets stared at you as you moved with a camera in hand, the street smiled, giggled with you as you tried talking to them. Ajay-meru or Ajmer, the streets know everything, they go everywhere and nowhere.

Pushkar is a salesperson. It sells rajasthan, the culture, the language, the enigma, and if you are bored, it sells you to you. My best of times in rajasthan in the 6 days i spent were in pushkar, and it was short. Liked everything about the place. It sells india to the tourists, the india they want to see. Be it the 1000s of stories related to the gods and godesses, or the vermilion smothered cows, the unkempt mystics or the rajasthani color. Every place was covered with curtains of such bright rainbow colors. Took a long camel ride and ended up listening to the banjaras, their folk show only for me. Pushkar just wins you over and over again.

Marwaris have a taste for food. Jodhpur was a live example for the same. Had lunch with a family, who informed us of how throughout jodhput, there are places famous for certain kind of food. And people who have lived there, and know about these would never even think of going somewhere else. So, if you want to get the gulab jamuns you go to chatarbuj sweets, for makhaniya lassi and mawa kachodi, mishri ram bhandaar, for kachoris and samosa its shahi samose and for omelettes none other than the omelette shop (aka garib hotel).

If you need to travel to Udaipur, you need 3-4 days and keep it at the last. Its a perfect place to unwind yourself, relax and forget about other things. We sadly could not do that, as we had just 2 days in hand. But nevertheless this place doesnot claim to be the best city in the world for nothing. A horse safari, and a bit of town surfing later, we were on our way back.

Rajasthan!!! A state so colourful, so rich, so grand, so mysterious and yet so humble... you feel like returning again and again. :)
I shall. soon!!!

Incredible India: Kudremukh

2009-12-30T00:44:00.002+05:30

Joy of being on the top of the peak, is second to none. After 5-6 hours of strenuous trek, you are almost injected with energy at the sight of being at the top of almost everything around you. The beautiful, lush green meadows on one side, while rocky landscapes on another, interjected with dense forests which from that distance look like broccoli laid down on a grocer's cart.
At the moment you forget about the pain in the legs (which shall return soon on the next day), the leeches who were almost given a task to guard the peak against the man.

Return was marked by happenings no so warranted for, but in the end coming back to a home cooked meal followed by drinks around the bon-fire just about added a perfect end to the day of adventures and mis-adventures. :)

Heal ?

2009-12-30T00:29:00.003+05:30

Darkest of the shadows
on today are cast
by the warmth of light
from the recent past.
Opaqueness of time
reduces with every step
but the keel hurts still
reminding of pain
caused by them,
who were given the rights
to willfully destroy.
AND they did.

The need

2009-10-27T20:45:00.003+05:30

Not a want to travel,
but the need to be a journey.
stories of which
would be told
for years to come
creating myth
of the nomad heart that
exists in time,
NOW.

Image: Caspar David Friedrich - Wanderer above the sea of fog

500 ka note

2009-10-23T23:25:00.004+05:30

Realised today,

A rs 500 note cannot buy you a double egg omelette.
A rs 500 note cannot pay your auto-rickshaw fair.

Sometimes if you stop and think, the only places where a rs 500 note is accepted are the places which have nothing to give us. All the important things in life are either free or F'in cheap.

Someday

2009-10-23T20:07:00.004+05:30

The cubicle has bars
with a lock on the dream
I sit in the center
looking at the screen

He calls me up
to give me the news
I did good, I did well
certifying my work
i get some more dirt
that shines on my desk
I did good, I did well

But one day.
Someday
When he would call
I won't respond
With no looking back
I will be gone
I will be gone.

She is beautiful
She is lovely
She was the one there
when I was lonely

She turns to the side
to talk
and make plans
I nod my head
and go to sleep
dreaming to strive
for a plan less death
after similar life.

But one day.
Someday.
when she plans tomorrow
I won't nod my head
And with no looking back
I will be gone
I will be gone.

I have to earn
coz this is my turn
for the family, for friend
for everyone that spent

They ask for love
with responsibilities
in their turf
They tie me up,
for being a friend
for being a son
for being someone
who has no where to run

But one day.
Someday.
When they seek me up
There won't be no one
With no looking back
I would have run.
I will be gone

I know I can
I believe I will
There is something that
stops me still

I get scared
because I have to choose
There is little to gain
a lot to lose.
I plan to escape
with every night
But morning is the same
mockingly bright

But one day.
Some day.
I would be scared no more
And that day I wont talk
With no looking back
I will be gone
I will be gone

Long gone.

Into the wild: A journey within

2009-10-22T02:06:00.004+05:30

Day:
I plan, ponder, imagine
A life away
from the city lights
from the blind races

Dark:
I touch, I feel
Listen, run, hide, steal
I strive and live
Travel far and wide
corners of the globe
shout from the sky
Come back content
to die

With dawn:
my mind, my heart, my soul
the confusions ride
I get all lost
when i look inside

Image: Gustave Doré - Harpies

Singapore, Hongkong and the mutton biryani

2009-06-14T22:06:00.010+05:30

Now now now... what do we have here? Finally am I going to write a blog on my first phoren trip? I have been wanting to do that, I really do. But somehow, the cosmos didn't want me to. Why else, and how else would you be able to explain my laptop, which was working just fine when I went off to Singapore, had conked off by the time i returned. I mean, how can that happen. A brand new laptop, at that. It took me a week to get it repaired. And by the time it was up and running (I mean working, not literally running.. dumbo!!!), my whole enthusiasm about sharing the story with the world had gone. You have all seen the pictures. You know almost all of the story. Still, if you want to know, here it is.

Singapore - Had fun. Old friends. Night clubs. Good food. a cosmopoliton place in truest sense.
Hongkong - WOW!!! Amazingly delicious and weird food and streets. Sky scrapers. Beautiful skyline. The great Buddha. A place on a must-visit-twice list.

Now for the meaty part of the blog.
All the travelling, photography, theatre etc etc etc... I hadn't got a chance to cook for some time now. Well, the cooking to keep yourself alive? Yeah that did happen. But nothing new. Nothing at the end of which you pat your back and say, well done!! This weekend was different. S said, "lets cook this saturday", and I said yes. S said "Mutton Biryani". I said yes. And that was the time when the idea was conceived. The result of which we all saw on saturday the 13th of June 2009.

Saturday the 13th of June 2009, started as a very normal day. Woke up. toiled around, doing nothing for a while. had last night's litties (oh!! yes, I made litties friday night. Biharis, you can go all hmmm and yummm over it. I really don't mind) for breakfast.

Went to the closest mutton shop, and after looking like a fool, when I actually said that one leg of the lamb looked older than the other, we got 750 grams of nice tender meat. Got all the ingredients needed for the recipe which my alter ego had noted down beautifully on a piece of paper. Came back home full of enthusiasm for what was going to come next...

...CHOP. Chop the onions. Chop the chillies. Chop coriander leaves. Chop mint leaves. chop... chop... chop... Chop and then grate raw papaya (which in my case wasn't raw enough, but it worked just fine). Chop ginger and make a paste. Just chop... chop... chop. chop and grate and chop and ...

I wish I could really describe the feel and the sensation I had while mixing the meat in the spices and oil. When curd, oil and other spices make the chunks slip through your fingers. The feeling that a child would have had, when he first plays in the fresh rain water mud. Or maybe the feeling when you move your fingers in the long and silky tresses of your love. The different aromas arising from the mix and increasing in strength as you move your hand inside it. And if this was not enough, you taste the marinade to check if its right. Wish I could find a better word than the cliched "orgasm" to describe it. But I guess there's really nothing.

Cooked rice till half done. Left the marinade for 4 - 5 hours in the fridge. It was all mechanical after that... UNTIL.. the last part came. Layers of meat, rice, spices and herbs, rice and spices were arranged, covered with the lid and sealed with dough. Next was the most difficult part of the whole process. We had to leave it on the stove for the next 40-45 minutes without touching it, without even looking at how the flavour seeps from one layer to another and then back, bringing into shape and color and flavor of one of the marvels of a human kitchen. After just a few minutes the aroma from the pan starts coming, making your wait even harder. Thank god!!! I had Hitchcock to give me company while the biryani cooked.

But as I say, even gods fail sometimes. Hitchcock is only human. I went and uncovered the pan after 30 minutes, only to find that the biryani wasn't done. Have you ever regretted anything in your life? I hadn't till this moment. Sealed it again and left for another 20 minutes. And this time when I removed the lid, We weren't disappointed. The Biryani was done. Done to perfection.

Sir Jack Daniels on rocks, Mutton Biryani, us and Hitchcock. Can you really ask for anything more than this on a saturday night?

Had heard someone say, you really are not a good cook, till you have cooked biryani. I am patting my back, right now. :)

Bliss

2009-05-06T18:08:00.009+05:30

(Finally found a pic for this place. Went to singapore and Hongkong and looked for pics, but nothing fit. Finally, I found the pic in my own kitchen)

For the people who know me:

I AM GOING THROUGH A PHASE OF DIET CONTROL.

If you weren't shocked by the above statement, dude, you really are far far away from your ultimate enlightenment. For you oh-so-eager-to-unravel-the-neeraj-mystery people, I have one thing to tell you. Here's your first lesson.

I LOVE FOOD. There is something alluring, something naughty, something enticing about food. Something that calls you and asks you to just devour every bit that is there on the plate. What is more exciting than eating food is knowing the story behind it (Ofcourse, there is a story). Every morsel of the food, tells you something. It talks about the skill, the excitement, the passion of the person who created it. Mixing different flavors together, different colors together, adding some of their own ideas, innovations, experiments, a chef creates magic.And that magic is experienced in your mouth.

In 'Cheeni kam' Amitabh says, cooking is an art, every other art caters to just one sense of your body, but cooking it caters to three. I couldn't have agreed any more. A masterpiece gastronomical art has to look delicious, the aroma should be intoxicating and when it touches the tip of the tongue, it should create a plethora of feelings run through your mind.

Now the question is, why do I love food? A few days back, I was actually trying to think about it, and I could not pick any one reason for this. Everytime I think of it, a different reason comes to my mind. A good preparation is sometimes a mystery. I love taking the first bite and trying to figure out what exactly is the reason for the way it tastes. I love food because its the only place where I have seen two very contrasting flavors mix so well and create something unique. I mean had I not tasted it, I wouldn't have known about the chocolate with chilli in it. Evolution of food tells you more about history than anything in this world. And food never lies. It tells you about the culture of a place and how it evolved with time. Its the real symbol of the so talked about globalisation in this world. Food, has calmed me down sometimes, when at others it has gotten me excited and ready to do anything. It has left me dumbfound at one instant, and has been my company over the best of conversations that I have ever had at others.

Food is like a religion, and the more you explore the more you understand it. Its one science which has continuously worked towards global harmony and personal bliss. If I wanted to encapture all that I feel about this wonderful bliss that has been provided to us, I guess I'll have to summarise all that my life stands for, has ever stood for and is ever going to stand for.

As, for my beginning sentence of this blog. I am not on a diet control for any known reasons. Its just that I am preparing myself. Preparing myself for the days to come, when I would need my tum the most, when I should be able to take even a nuclear blast inside if need be. And I guess I'll be ready for the experience, the experiments and the fun.

A wise man(woman) once said, "The way to every man's heart goes through his stomach". Mine, you can touch the soul. Ciao'.

Past 2 weeks III (The calling)

2009-04-30T10:37:00.008+05:30

This story is about the saturday that went past. But this time, before I start telling about why, what and how of this saturday, here's an insight into why these 2 weeks. Well, these 2 weeks reminded me of the carefree, crazy, on the move kind of person that I always thought I was. This somehow got suppressed as soon as I came to bangalore. Now, I can give you umpteen number of reasons, from my odd hours in office to not knowing many people here, living alone to not able to find people like me around... but I guess the biggest problem was always me. I never took any initiative in this regard. But the last 2 weeks (11th to 26th) reminded me so much of all that I was. Started with a trek to a journey to gurgaon and dehradun and this weekend, well this was another wonderful and satisfying experience.

This saturday started with plans to meet a friend, which changed from her coming to my place for dinner to we going out on a long drive to, actually, her getting stuck somewhere and not able to make it. Called 2 more people, one was in hyderabad and other had made plans. Meanwhile, I was trying to figure out, what went wrong and how? Breaking my head over the casualties of planning something in advance (Somehow this has never worked for me, whenever I have made plans they have just gone for a toss). Sitting in my room, while I was whining about my life infront of some people in the virtual world, it struck me. A kind of epiphany. A calling that I was trying to ignore till now. The purpose of my life. The push and pull of the forces, beyond comprehension of the us mere mortals.

And it was then, that I decided... I should take an evening walk.

Now there was nothing special about this walk, if not the fact that it was a loooooooooooongggggg walk. I mean, that is, if you consider 13 kms in a day, long (from here on, this would be known as my city trek, or in short CT... sounds more hep and happening). So, my CT started as a very casual stroll on the road, going towards the outer ring road. Now people who have visited my place, know that even touching outer ring road from my place is quite a distance and usually, people take evening strolls of this length. I would have returned after reaching there, or rather I should have, but something inside told me to just keep going. The traffic, the pollution of the 7 pm road, the noise somehow started seeming very inviting. And I walked. It was very late when suddenly i realised that I had already covered quite a distance (around 5.5 - 6 kms, yeah yeah... I get lost in my thoughts). So I decided, why not have some ghar ka khana at my aunt's place who lives another km or so from there. I call her, make arrangements and have a nice fulfilling dinner (more importantly, ghar ka khana... or rather ghar ka khana, cooked by someone else).

Spending about an hour at her place, now I had to get back. If I was in any sane mind that time, I would have simply taken an auto rickshaw back. But alas!!! I had another epiphany. Another calling. Another push and pull from the forces. And I decided to continue my CT. Walking back was even more fun. The roads were getting empty (empty by indian standards), and a few cars which were visible seemed to be in big hurry to reach somewhere. My only companions were the trucks laden with steel rods, building stones and cement bags. But they too were too fast for me. And as it happens to most of the people when they are alone walking at 10:30pm at night on a dark road with puddles formed by a recent rain shower, when eyes of the dogs shine bright blue and yellow, and their cries resonate in the sky, when almost every sane person is safe inside there comfortable homes, and every one else who is outside looks like someone ready to pounce on you and mug you, I started to sing and dance. Ok dance wasn't really a dance... just a few gesture of hands. But sing, i did. Loud. Old beautiful songs of Mukesh and Kishore and Rafi. In my coarse and not so beautiful voice.

And then I reached home. nearly 13 kms of total walk with dinner in between. I was tired, satisfied, satiated, and happy. :)

Past 2 weeks II (Gurgaon, Dehradun trip)

2009-04-29T00:17:00.010+05:30

Gurgaon
What do you write about a place which was your home for more than a year. A place which you have seen in and out. A place where even after 8-9 months, you still remember the pot holes, the speed breakers, the trees (or the lack of it). My trip to Gurgaon was the same.

Gurgaon still feels like home. Even after living away from it for almost the same duration that i lived in it. Every face around me felt so close and so familiar, it was as if i never did leave. Days in gurgaon were marked with meeting people, jumping from one place to another, spending time with old friends and colleagues. In the process Met a lot of friends. Wanted to meet a lot more.

Spent an afternoon in chandni chowk, and was amazed by the sheer life in those narrow streets, the aroma of fresh street food being prepared, the eagerness in the eyes of every person there, and still a very laid back, rested atmosphere. It still amazes me, how when i lived in NCR i actually never went to this heaven of a place. Next time for sure, I am taking out a complete day atleast for this place. The life in chandni chowk calls for a week. I hope I can do that someday. Till then, lets see.
Missed going to my favourite 2 places in all delhi. DilliHaat and India gate. But as they say, there's always a next time. This time I was making a stopover in Gurgaon. Next time I ll go to delhi as a tourist, something that I have always wanted to do, but never could. And enjoy the sheer brilliance of the so called "dilwaalon ka sheher".

Dehradun
All in all it was less of dehradun and more about the engagement of the friend that i went for. A fun filled ceremony that started the day i reached there and was still on till i left.

For the first time I listened to some beautiful Garhwali songs and was amused by the lyrics, the music and how people just sway to this music. You should see the garhwalis dance if you want to see fun. These ageless people start moving there limbs and hips at the first sound of music. In the process I learned few steps too, and let me tell you these are easy but at the same time very warm and inviting. I could see a parallel between the Garhwali and the chhota nagpuri dance thats the form from where I belong. I guess these were evolved to make everyone in the family just join and dance at the rhythm, so that no one is left out. No wonder we as a country are so fond of music and dance. It has been with us for centuries, and I hope this remains for several more centuries to come.

I wish I could never leave these amazing places. But alas!!! every journey comes to an end, only to give way to the next. I can only wish the train of journeys never end, and I keep moving from one place to another. From one home to another. From one friend to another, never really leaving anyone, anything or any place behind. They are all the reasons for what I am and who I am. After all, a man is just a summary of his experiences. :)

Past 2 weeks I (Sharavathy Trek)

2009-04-28T08:56:00.012+05:30

A small initiative from my part (I replied to a mail) would result in something so beautiful and exciting, I could have never imagined. Now I could have given you the exact dates for when the mail arrived, when did I reply to that (which was the instant I received it), how were the arrangements made etc etc., but I am sure you won't be very interested in that. So, let me just jump to the meatier part. THE TREK.

12 people, most of them did not know each other (I for one did not really know anyone), started on friday night in a tempo traveller. And in a very small time, it was made clear, that we are going to have a gala time with each other. It didnot take a lot of time for the ice to break, and by the time the wheels reached the boundary of oh so glorious Bengaluru city we were all singing and laughing together.

A night and 350 kms later, we reached kargal, a small town in Shimoga district of Karnata, where the organisers had arranged for our breakfast and the morning routines. And then they came. Round fluffy sweet and devouring... the mangalorean buns. If you have ever tried to touch heaven in the morning, this is the way you should. Buns are deep fried poori kind of bread, prepared from a mixture of maida, ripe banana and curd. That with the perfect cup of filter kaapi. The journey had just started, and I already got half of the money worth.

About 20 kms ahead from there was a forest, where we were supposed to trek. Unlike other treks, where the paths is well established and even then if you miss it, you can just follow the cigarette butts, the chocolate wrappers and half the back pack of a person, this was a nice surprise. Completely unexplored (even the guides got confused a couple of times), nothing on the ground seemed out of place, it gave us a chance to try and fight the suddenly popping branches, the thick bush, the slippery and steep decline of the area, and move forward. We slipped, we fell, we got bruises, we got cut. We laughed, we sang, we were hushed, we chattered. The sun found it difficult to reach the interior (though it still managed to :P).

Then we heard it. Yes, the sound of water. We ran towards it, falling even harder, slipping even more. A small waterfall, but big enough for 12 people to go under and get wet. The trek continued. After that we followed the trail of the river, exploring the jungle around us. The trek ended, and soon we were moving towards the vehicle.

The lunch was arranged at a local's place. Sitting cross legged, with large banana leaves spread infront of us, we eagerly waited for the food to arrive. And it came. First the rice, followed by sambhar, pickle and papad. The thatched roof, the mud walls, the earthern pot cool water, everything added to the ambience and the flavour.

If we thought this was amazing, I can only begin to describe what lay before us for the rest of the trip. A small stop over at the almost dry jogfalls and then we moved to the destination (or the next stop in the journey). We were taken to a bank of the sharavathy river, the camping was to be done on the other side. What bewitched us, we were not sure... was it the expansion of the river, or the wind hitting the face, the chill in the air, the red sun or just the breathtaking view infront of us. We just stood, some shouting at the view, some just staring open-mouthed. And the cameras clicked. The dropped jaws reclaimed there place and as the dusk thickened we went to the other side in coracles.

Night was bonfire, singing, dinner on paper plates, drinking kashaya (a local specialty, a herbal tea which resembles a lot with the kashmiri kahwa) one at a time sharing the limited containers that we have, and after all this a long walk on the island. We were asked, not to go into the woods, so we remained near the water. Every stone, every stout on the ground looked like an animal ready to pounce. The river was covered with its own army of wooden creatures. The silence of the night adding to the eeriness of the whole setting. But even then, the night wind soothed us, inviting us to keep moving forward, and we did. We got back to some dead logs in and around the camps and met our deaths under the open sky, beside the burning logs while the camps remained empty.

Next day was water sports, we remained in water for hours, coracle riding, kayaking, still water rafting and just floating. :). And then it came like the icing on the cake, gulab jamun after heavy indian meal, lichi with icecream and we drenched in the rain. After the lunch we returned, all tired, sun burnt, bruised and yet satisfied and rejuvenated.

I felt alive. After a long time.

Thank you people for making this happen. Varun for organising this. Sidharth, Amit Jain and Singhal, Amol, Milan, Richa, Ankit, Pragati, Barath and Deepak for being the perfect travel partners. NASA for arranging and managing the awesome trek. Looking forward to what lies next.

Shakespear and life

2009-01-28T12:21:00.002+05:30

Hamlet: To be, or not to be, that's the question.

Life: To be, or not to be.. that's not the question. The question is, if you want to be, why do you want to be? to what extent do you want to be? what else do you want to be? Why only this?...
And in case you don't want to be? Any specific complain with this? What would you want to be then? What is the difference between what you want to be and what you don't want to be? How is that better than what you don't want to be?

Left, Right and Center

2008-12-09T16:06:00.001+05:30

Its all about perspective. Its all relative.

An outsider's perspective:

The Right View:

The Left View:

My View:

Perspectives :)

The culprits

2008-12-03T11:27:00.002+05:30

http://in.youtube.com/watch?v=Eij5o7XizIA&feature=related

We gave them the reasons to point fingers. We gave them the shield behind which they can hide.

One

2008-11-27T22:28:00.003+05:30

Mumbai struck. Mumbai bombed. Mumbai gunned.
The news is full with the ongoing terrorist attack in mumbai, which they say is the biggest till date. 125 dead including 14 police personals.

Recently I was watching a talk show hosted by Barkha Dutt where Nandan Nilekani was the guest and he was answering questions on things related to all that is going on in India and world. But what struck me most was the question that Barkha asked him at almost the end of the show.
"What unites India?"

Can we be brought together? What is it that brings us together? Nandan's answer was too diplomatic least to say.
The fact that all of us want to have a better life. The fact that each of us wants to grow. And the fact that we want better life for the next generations, better than ours.
But that again is what goes in mind of every human being on earth. What is so "Indian" in that?

Pondering over the question, I was so stumped by the fact that I could not think of one reason that brings us together. Yeah, definitely Pakistan, Cricket and as Nilekani said the desire to improve our lives is always there. But what after that. Do we take pride on the very basic characteristics of our country? "Unity in diversity" seems to be a quote out of a fairy tale. "World's biggest democracy" has become the smallest in attitude and vision. While the world rejoices in the election of Obama as US president, the biggest election issue in India still remains how to blame everything on the other party. While the world talks about "change". We talk about "differences". The biggest calamity today fails to stir people and bring everyone together against it. This debacle that we have been witnessing on TV "live", will it bring people together? how would it be remembered after it is over, and say in a week. As a failure of the government? Will it again be given another colour? Ofcourse the government failed. The intelligence failed. The security failed. We failed.

But the question is, are we together taking the blame? Or are we blaming it on someone else? We will have to come together. We will have to find reasons to unite again. We will have to look at the aspects that brings us together and not focus on the differences. We were once captured, "enslaved" because of the differences. Do we want to see that again? We cannot fight each other and still fight the outside forces. We have to unite and stand against them, together. We need a sense of "being Indian".

Ask yourself. What is it that you think makes us Indian? That unites us? That brings us together? That brings all of us together?

Was the joker right?

2008-10-23T22:30:00.003+05:30

"You know what I noticed? Nobody panics when things go according to plan. Even if the plan is horrifying. If tomorrow I tell the press that like a gang banger will get shot, or a truckload of soldiers will be blown up, nobody panics, because it's all, part of the plan. But when I say that one little old mayor will die, well then everyone loses their minds!"

These lines were spoken by the Joker, in "The dark knight", when he tries to explain how schemes and schemers have brought everyone to where they are. How he has just showed the city that however big plans they make it can be ruined by the smallest person with the smallest mind. Sometimes I really wonder, was he true? Is anarchy the real freedom, where no one, NO ONE has any say on what the other wants to do. read this article by Tarun Vijay today and suddenly the crazy, the maniacal face of heath ledger (joker) trying to convince two-face why he does what he does comes to my mind, where joker it seems has cracked the mystery behind all the wrongs in the world. And joker looks more like a saint than a criminal (well, in the movie he did do miracles. " Look what I did to this city with a few drums of gas and a couple of bullets").

Everytime you think that you have seen the worst of the politicians, you are baffled by the limit one can stoop to. The batla-jamia case is one such example. The politicians are running all around to show sympathy to the kins of the deceased in the batla-jamia shootout. Is the colour of the flag really become so important that no one can see the red.

The Indian flag was explained by Sarvepalli Radhakrishnan, who later became the first vice-president of the country as:

"Bhagwa or the saffron colour denotes renunciation or disinterestedness. Our leaders must be indifferent to material gains and dedicate themselves to their work. The white in the centre is light, the path of truth to guide our conduct. The green shows our relation to (the) soil, our relation to the plant life here, on which all other life depends. The "Ashoka Chakra" in the centre of the white is the wheel of the law of dharma. Truth or satya, dharma or virtue ought to be the controlling principle of those who work under this flag. Again, the wheel denotes motion. There is death in stagnation. There is life in movement. India should no more resist change, it must move and go forward. The wheel represents the dynamism of a peaceful change. It also represents 24 hours in a day."

Today it seems the colours have remained the same, but there meanings have changed. Saffron stands for Hindus, the white for christians and the green for islam and the chakra in middle shows the constant motion of our politicians, from one colour to another but never facing all of them at the same time. Never the secular, that they claim themselves to be.

Do we need a Joker today? Or maybe a hitler? Do we really need explosions to make the leaders listen, who have gone deaf and blind (dumb they always were). RDB and A wednesday, are these the only ways left? I hope there's still some light left to look forward to.

Patriotism

2008-07-23T14:42:00.001+05:30

Realised something at the wagah border.

The proximity to the homeland increases as you move towards the border.

Stranger

2008-07-23T08:28:00.004+05:30

The most beautiful pair of eyes, a set of perfectly shaped lips and one of the most attractive faces. This was how my trip to Amritsar started. Well, it started by friends coming and picking me up from office to the railway station. But it was in the train that I met her. Jaime, Matteo and then me... and infront of us was she. She looked angelic when she closed her eyes, even more when she opened them. We started talking and came to know, that she is a model and also runs her own boutique. Married for 8 years now . Has a 5 year old kid. She got off a couple of stations earlier, but me and the other two, still have her face in our minds.

Change

2008-06-30T18:30:00.003+05:30

Finally sent the official resignation to my manager. Am happy. Am very excited about my new job. Everything has finally started falling into place and started making sense. Changes are good. Will meet new people. Will work with new people. Will explore newer destinations. Can restart and reorganise my life. There's so much good this change has brought. Everything would be new.

???

Life

2008-06-23T15:37:00.002+05:30

Cry
Laugh
Hunger
Food
Faces
Voices
Speak
Walk
Run
Read
Write
Watch
Observe
Flowers
Trees
Fields
Plains
Rain
Pain
Sports
Dreams
Books
Career
Women
Love
Lust
Food
Drink
Sex
Money
Travel
People
Family
Ups
Downs
Achievements
Disappointments
Sickness
Health
Dread
Blood
Bed
Dead
...
...
..
.
.
LIFE.

Start

2008-06-20T16:01:00.003+05:30

Finally, after a long long time i got time to do what i like the best in office. Read quotes on internet. Last week I bought "Thus spake Zarathustra, Nietzsche" (Though haven't turned a single page as yet). KT, finally I am going to read what u have been suggesting for a very long time. Lets hope I get time to do it.

Well, today suddenly i was reminded of the book and decided on reading quotes by him. Must say, his quotes are not just powerful, they simply stir you, churn you, make you feel something inside your belly. Very few people I have read have struck at just the right spot.

Some of the favourites....

1. A casual stroll through the lunatic asylum shows that faith doesnot prove anything.
2. Insanity in individuals is something rare - but in groups, parties, nations and epochs, it is the rule.
3. No price is too high for the privilege of owning yourself. (Somehow, this reminds me of something going on in my mind for sometime now)
4. Talking much about oneself can also be a means to conceal oneself. (I think I ll like reading him)
5. There is always some madness in love. But there is also some reason in the madness.
6. The man of knowledge must be able not only to love his enemies but also to hate his friends.
7. The Christian resolution to find the world ugly and bad has left the world, ugly and bad. (So true, even with other religions)
8. I would not know, what the spirit of a philosopher might wish more than to be a good dancer.

I guess I ll have to start the book soon.

Perspective

2008-05-12T16:52:00.002+05:30

How are perspectives built. Met someone yesterday (well, actually have known him for sometime now, but met him only yesterday). We had so much in common. We love to read similar stuff. We watch similar movies. If you look at us from a very third and indifferent point of view, you ll see we are so much alike. But then when we talked, I realised something, not necessarily when and if you have similar interests and you have thought over same things, because somehow you have read and seen the same happenings means, the start and the finish are the same.

In life, not always is 2 and 2, 4. Some times its a little less and sometimes its a little more. Sometimes it can be zero.

As you can see in the pic, what you see in it may or maynot be true, its mostly dependant on what you want to see.

I want to laugh.

2008-04-28T13:17:00.003+05:30

Yeah I do. I want to laught at all the people around me. I want to laugh at there faces. Laugh so hard, that i dont need to laugh for another life of mine.

Why?
Coz, they will never be able to understand, that I am different from them. That they will never stop trying to convert me into one of them. That they will get frustrated everytime they don't succeed.

A break

2008-04-27T19:19:00.004+05:30

3 weeks of travelling. 3 weeks of extensive work schedule. Tired. Break. Bored.

Late nights at office -> Goa -> Late nights at office -> Hyderabad -> Bidar -> Hyderabad -> Late nights at office -> Rishikesh -> Late nights at office -> Very tired.
Thought would take a break from travelling and enjoy this weekend, at home. Had forgotten, enjoyment at home doesn't exist. So was bored, am bored and looking forward to office on monday and the next weekend. Am definitely doing (going) something (somewhere) again.

Hmmm...

2008-04-25T14:53:00.005+05:30

Are you stuck in the conversation?

Don't know how to react to an uncomfortable question?

Don't know what to say?

Just said something, which now you regret and want some time to re-arrange (read: make some excuse) your thoughts?

OR you are just plain stupid?

Here's the panacea for all this. Hmmm... In the virtual world, it buys you time, makes the other person you are thinking, when you actually have to go pee. In the real world, this usually should accompany a nod. Now the other person is fully aware that either you know a lot, or are seriously interested in what they are saying.
I mean, use it whatever way you want to, wherever you want to, this works, 95% of the time.
Well, how did i reach this statistics... hmmm.

But jokes apart, lets for once discuss something serious. Hmmm... I think is another name of GOD. I think I want to start a new religion, hmmism. I mean, why do people want God? To rescue them from problems. In the virtual world this is what hmmm can do. And anyways, even God these days is not all powerful... And since there are anyways, some 2 billion religions in the ~6.5 billion world population so another additon won't disturb it much more.

Q: Neeraj, it seems the work stress is affecting your grey cells.
N: Hmmm...

Q: Don't you have anything productive to do?
N: Hmmm...

Q: What are you saying? Why are you saying?
N: Well... hmmm...

So, am back again.

2008-04-23T12:30:00.004+05:30

Back again? Well, i didn't exactly go anywhere to get back, but if you look closely to the date of my last post, you'll find that its been more than a quarter of an year, since i posted anything. Well, here I am back from the long long sleep.

So, where was I? And what happened in between. I can say one thing for sure, life was playing what it plays best.... LIFE.
1. Met someone, found someone.
2. Travelled a lot. As in Hyderabad, Agra, Goa, Ranchi (If you consider going home as travelling), Bidar, Rishikesh.
3. Partied.
4. Read a few books, though want to read a lot lot more.
5. Worked my @** off. Late nights became a daily thing, so much so that when I was returning home last night at 11, I was glad that I am going home early.
6. Appraisal happened. (Would love to post what happened, but they want us to keep it a secret.)
7. Because of all of the above, I am in debt till my neck now.

So, the final assessment of these months, I worked hard, partied harder and spent the hardest.

See you guys soon with more stuff.

Dream @ TATA

2008-01-05T17:43:00.000+05:30

The interesting thing about dreams is that, everyone has them. But very few have the fire to go for them and only those few are the ones who turn their dreams into reality.

Ratan Tata saw one. And he had the guts to go for it despite everyone's opposition. Now, there's a man to look up to.

This is how the world treats those very few.

DO

2008-01-04T11:35:00.000+05:30

Gurgaon once again: MP schoolboy shoots mate

The news piece glared at me in the front page of TOI today. And i still haven't come out of the shock. Now, obviously i won't start complaining to what the world has come to? but somewhere we went wrong. We as an individual, as a family, as a society and as a nation went wrong. The following extract from the news piece says all:

This murder by a schoolboy, seen together with the Gurgaon killing and the murder of a student in Noida by his former classmates last month, shows a disturbing rise in violence involving students which until now was reported only from the US.

Its about time we realised our mistakes and did something about it. Innocence has already become so rare among us. We have lost the trust we had in the people. Everyday, we hear things happening around us, but unless they come to our doorstep we don't speak. Its always, the son of another man who shot or was shot. Its always the daughter of someone living far away who is raped by her own classmates, and its always the fault of the women who party at 2 past midnight who get molested. Its about time, we questioned the victim and the guilty less and questioned ourselves more. Each one of us.

What would we have done if we were there at 2 am in mumbai? What would we do, if we find someone with a gun in their hand, and what should we do to make sure that the people around us don't ever get the impulse to take such extreme steps. New year was good, but the days that have followed, the newspapers have been full with random incidents of rapes, murders, accidents because of drunken driving and more.

If anything has to change it will have to start with us, near us around us. If nothing is done, the day is not far when we will find our own sons carrying guns and daughters getting molested around. Its neither too easy, nor is it impossible. But we will have to understand the urgency of the situation, the urgent need of an action. We cannot be the bystanders, reading newspaper, sipping coffee and finally saying "ahh, what has world come to?"

"You must be the change, you wish to see in the world."
Mahatma Gandhi.

@Office

2008-01-03T19:57:00.000+05:30

Yeah, I am working late at office once again. 20 days had gone by since i stayed back late, and i started assuming i had become efficient. Well it seems, i was wrong, it was just that i didn't have enough work. But now I have. Am i glad? I think I am.

As they say, an idle mind is a devil's workshop, and my mind was a laboratory for him(or should i say 'IT'). All kinds of thoughts came to my mind. The destructive ones. The frustrating ones. The self-immolating ones.

Ha!!!! D, now what do you say? Come and get me now. But now you can't get me. I am away from your reach.

Why am i writing this blog, when i should work? What am I writing? Or even better question, why am i writing this blog at all? Well, i think i don't know. Opened my blogger to check for new comments, but there weren't any. So, its for you all good-for-nothing-souls, comment on this, or when next time i dont have much work in my hand, i ll be thinking about you. And let me tell you, this can get very very
VERY
VEEEERRRRRYYYYY
SCARIE... HAHAHAHAHA.

huh!! (Neeraj shrugs and decides to end it)

chapter closed.

Its a cliche post

2008-01-01T19:04:00.000+05:30

So, what do you think do i have in mind? I gave u the biggest hint thats possible. Its an used, per-used subject for writing a blog. People all over the world would be writing something about this subject. Everyone will try to make it as funny and "interesting" as he/she can. But to no avail.

I mean, every year a very big percentage of bloggers write about this, unfailingly. And every one tries to make it as unique as possible. The style that has never been used. But since we all have read the very same (or, similar) stuff, its very hard to make this subject even slightly different than what all already exist in the sphere.

Although I am very sure, you highly intelligent breed of common sensical people must have for sure guessed what subject I am talking about, but If you haven't been able to "decipher" it, coz of lack of the blob that exists in the upper most floor of the human body (and still to my utter dismay have stumbled to my post), the subject i am talking about is,

NEW YEAR 2008.

Now, people who have read enough of "happy new year" or "nu yr" or "HNY" etc etc posts, kindly move away from the blog, and those who haven't, go further.

Happenings of 2007:
1. Got a job. I am still employed.
2. Left IIT. Still hung up on friends and life there.
3. First flight.
4. First big city experience. (I think I am doing quite well)
5. Night Clubs
6. Absolutely no luck on romance side. (in short, "the same")
7. Made some 100 more friends. (in short, "the same")
8. Bought a bike. CBZ xtreme. (wanted to write a blog, but then didn't)
9. Travelled
10. Ahh!! now even i cant stand the stench of the used and used subject, so, etc etc etc.

Resolutions for 2008:
1. Can't tell you
2. Can't tell you
3. Can't tell you
4. Once again, etc etc etc.

Told you not to read it, now don't blame me.
After all the subjects says it all. It is, It was and It will always be, a cliched post.

so, to end my blog i ll like to say, goodbye 200.... ahh, c'mon.

chal ab kat le. bahut padh liya.

I Travel

2007-12-28T17:41:00.000+05:30

What is it about travelling that i really enjoy?

To be very frank, even i don't know.

Its not the architecture, the museums, the parks or for that matter any tourist place that attract me. I mean, they are all amazing to look at, and I do appreciate them all. But somehow, its not about them that i like going to places.

Its the people and only people. Every face in the crowd seems to be telling a story. Every person has something interesting to share. And my hunger to meet them takes me all around.

"Jaisalmer? yaar bahut duur hai. kahin paas ka plan bana na."
"Jaisalmer? hahahahahaha."
"Jaisalmer? abe 20 ghante ka rasta hai. kaise jayega? Aadha time to travel karega."
"Jaisalmer? hahahahahaha."
"Jaisalmer? bahut thand hogi be. raat mein mar legi."
"Jaisalmer? hahahahahaha."
"Jaisalmer? Tu pagal ho gaya hai."
"Jaisalmer? hahahahahaha."

Some of the responses i got when i asked people for the trip. And I am glad, none of them accompanied me. :).

Jaisalmer? Amazing place to be.
Jaisalmer? Amazing place to meet new people.
Jaisalmer? Amazing place for the foodies like me. You get food from all around the world.

What exactly did i do?

The people i met,
Karthik (works in the same bulding as me)
Shuk Sin Won
Park Chun Su
Abu Bhai
Ghazi Khan
Faqruddin
Uli Khan
Ali Mohammad
Ghazi Khan (the singer)
Deepak and 4 of his other friends. (I am sorry guys, i forgot your names)
Amit (security waala)
Ashish
Ashish's dad
Ashish's mom
Ashish's sister
Bhawani Singh Rathore
Raju
James
James's girlfriend
5 of Karthik's colleagues (The names i don't want to remember)
An English girl, I borrowed pen from.
A Group of three people in the restaurant,( the lady teaches in jaipur.)
And about 30-40 more.

And I can write a small collections of stories that i learnt from them. Every face has a story to tell, you just have to be ready to listen. And you get so enriched by the memories.

"I have three dreams for myself, Travel as much as i can, taste as many kinds of cuisines as i can and read as many books as i can." And i still stick by it.
And by the way, for the people who missed, 20 hours in a good company seems like 20 minutes and you are left wanting for more.

Signing off,
Aneyonghikhaseyo
(In Korean it means, be safe)

Good bye.

Joker

2007-11-22T22:18:00.000+05:30

I am A joker. Yeah, I am. I make people laugh, and laugh they do. Sometimes at me, sometimes with me. I am the joker of the weirdest kind. I wear the mask all the time. They laugh, I laugh, the world laughs.

I am THE joker.

JOB

2007-10-31T20:05:00.000+05:30

Have you ever experienced Deja vu? I did today. A friend of mine got a job. While I was being given the news, all the memories became alive of that day. The day i got my job.
The fun, the bounciness was so evident in the voice. There was some electric effect in the voice which also got transferred to me. Oh and suddenly i am happy again. Well i am happy always, but i now am even happier.

All the best to you, for the life ahead. Hope you get all that you ever deserved and a lot more.

Jaipur. Day two

2007-10-31T13:53:00.000+05:30

What all we did?

Went to Maharani factory. bought to razayis.
Visited city palace.
Went up to Amber fort, bought gifts for friends. Wanted to ride an elephant, but couldnot do that. Had 2 glasses of butter-milk. Oh nothing's better than curd, when it comes to refreshing you.
Hawa Mahal. Ate at Kallu ka hotel. A very famous name in the old jaipur area.
Albert Hall. Took a horse ride. Sat a while. looked at the pigeons. and once even ran in them.
And den left for gurgaon.

For a third person, this is all we did. And the story would really be as boring and dumb as i just told you. But for us, it was totally different. Yes, we actually did go to these places. Amazing places.

The palaces, the forts. The people then really knew how to live in splendour.

A very interesting thing that i found in jaipur was, that every man there is a salesperson for jaipur. We asked someone on the street about the where-abouts of maharani factory, and he started on how and what can we find in that place, as soon as he was done giving the directions. Got to know about the 100g razayi, even before i had a chance to reach there. And i am sure, if i had talked to him a few more minutes, i would have gone and bought everything present there.
Finally when we went ahead a little more and got confused about the place again, we got a chance to talk to another sales-person. And this time he was an auto-rickshaw waala. Either these guys are all trained in salesman-ship, or they really are proud of the place. And i am very sure, its the latter that's true.

City palace is huge. You could smell the royalty, the courage and the valour in the very air that blows inside.

Amber fort was our next stop. The curvaceous roads that led to the fort were a delight to ride. Elephants with their mahouts, camels and horses with their riders were a common sight. I couldvisualise the life of ppl who lived in those forts and palaces and if anyone had ever lived like kings it had to be the maharajas and maharanis of jaipur. Outside the entrance a local was selling some items of rajasthani handicrafts. Beautiful and traditional jewellery, key chains, show pieces... they were all in abundance. We bought a few of them for our friends and entered the fort; by the time we returned back from Amber fort, we were dead twice over with the uphill walk (that we did 2 times, just for the fun of it). Two glasses of butter-milk and a bottle of soda for handique was all we needed to start once again and the journey resumed.

Our "paapi paet" had by then started growling and we had to go on the search of "Kallu ka hotel". After roaming around the Hawa mahal for some time, we finally found it hidden among the whole length and breadth of pink buildings. To Handique's disappointment and mine elation, it didn't look like a very sophisticated restaurant. It was just a dhaba. And that too very shabbily maintained.

Amber fort was a pleasure. Met some very interesting people. Exchanged my pea-nut masala for bananas with one of them. Did horse riding, although it was not much of it, as the guy would not allow me to take the reins in my hand. So, effectively i was just sitting on it, while he did all the walking. But I for once became a child again, and loved even that. The humpy, bumpy and very short ride that i had cost me 50 bucks, but i knew if he wud have asked 4 times over, i wud have been happy to pay.

And den we were off for Gurgaon.

Jaipur. Ha!! Jaipur, I will sure come to you again. Just wait and watch.

the week(ends) that passed II .... jaipur

2007-10-31T13:33:00.000+05:30

A few excerpts from the conversations i had on 27-28 of october. They are arranged according to passing time. so try, and make some sense out of it.

the conversations presented hence forth, have been translated to english for the people reading this. The original conversation took place, in English, Hindi and sometimes just eyes.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(On phone)
Me: mom, i am getting bored. Two of my flat mates are busy with their girlfriends, one is studying. other friends have to go to office.
Mum: oh!!! and you are left alone??
Me: maa, another call's coming, talk to you later.

[Its Handique]

Me: Hey handique.
Handique: Wanna goto Jaipur.

Yes.

Now?

Yes.

On bike?

Yes. give me sometime. i ll take a bath and get ready.

yeah sure.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[The tour starts]
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Handique: We'll make our first stop after 4. At the most rudimentary dhaba possible.
Me: sure. I was thinking the same.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Me: dude, look at the speed, i didn't know a 100cc bike could reach 90.
Handique: Give a little more acceleration.
Me: man, i have given it the max. it won't go any further

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

now, where to? Adi said something about a sindhicamp bus-stop, where we can find hotel rooms.

Then lets go there.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Find a bar. Find a bar. I need a drink.

Handique. chill, man. We'll do that.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Didn't find any chicken, as it was after 10 at night. ]
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Handique (drunk): Where are we going Neeraj?
Me: I don't know, maybe the hotel.

Ask me the same question

Where are we going Handique?

Railway station!!!!!

Lets do it.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Day ends]

the week(ends) that passed

2007-10-31T09:01:00.000+05:30

For a person like me, nothin could be more satisfying than the last few days i spent. Well with exception of a few things, i haven't experienced so far. But we are here to talk about my time spent.

It all started with me meeting Handique. Its not like we didn't know each other. We sure did. But we didn't know this interesting and similar nature of each other. He is everything like me, except a little more than what and who I am. He is older, crazier, more extrovert and he loves to talk and travel.

The weekend before last, found two things. One, I love the ambience of railway platforms. The chaos that exists, the hurrying people, the people, the noise, all enchant me. Spent an hour reading a comic book on the platform bench and then left the station. Second, I found another way of enjoying life in Delhi. Parties. Met a whole lot of people in the party which i accompanied Handique to. And the best part was, even he hardly knew anyone there, other than may be the hosts. But it was fun. With everyone around smoking and drinking and beautiful girls to look at. some of the most amazing people to talk to. Handique was totally spent, and still insisted on driving back.

Monday, office annual party. Objectively, it sucked. Booze got over even before the party could take off. Almost no arrangements. Dull crowd and stupid games. But if I want to enjoy, who can stop me. Had a ball of a time. Danced for hours on the disc floor. When with friends, it doesn't matter, where you are. And with friends like these, oh anything's perfect.

Week was hectic. Late nights, a lot of work and confusion. Couldnot manage to even check my orkut profile till i reached home, every night.

What did i do this weekend? Thats a long story, and the next blog covers it.

Found It

2007-10-31T08:41:00.000+05:30

Finally i did sleep.

I am not an insomniac, but yeah, i somehow have not been able to sleep for long hours. Last night was good. i slept for 8 hours. 8 long hours, and its such beautiful day. I guess i can go without eating garlic today.

Think

2007-10-08T17:31:00.001+05:30

Found this floating on the Net.

Rains

2007-10-07T19:54:00.000+05:30

Rain rain go away... little johnny wants to play.
i don't know why would little johnny not want rain to be there. I mean don't kids love to get wet. I still do. And i do get wet most of the times.

But why suddenly rains? well, for once somehow rains have been following me for some days now (not literally). but wherever i see, i see a mention of it. A junior has his status message that says, "i love rain". Called mom, she was upset with too much of it, shez not able to go shopping and the pujas are around the corner. And many many more. But when i landed on a blog by Megha about how she loves rain, i thought, someone's tryingto tell me something. Maybe, just maybe, I need to write something about it, or not. But i decided to take the plunge and here i am writing about rains (or on the lack of it).

I was born in a family which loved rains. Sure i have been spanked for not wearing my raincoats even after having it in my bag all along. Sure i have been scolded for leaving my umbrella just outside my home, so that i dont have to carry it, and for walking and jumping in the knee deep puddles that are formed on the road. But, still i always believed my family loved rains. I could see my mom, my dad, me and my brother all sitting near the window watching the beauty of the nature's most amazing occurence. Looking at the playfield infront with temporary rivers formed on them. Children playing and running around while there parents looking at them angrily and waiting for them to get back for a flogging (i am sure others would have seen me doing the same a lot many times). And when its accompanied with gusts of wind, nothing could be dearer to watch. Clothes clinging to people as if asking them to for once give them shelter under their skin. Its beautiful.
Even in KGP, I have enjoyed the rain. We became children again, played football, rugby and what not. Went on a stroll amid heavy downpour. Stood on the corridors getting soaked in cold and heavy showers. We have even run into the open spaces collecting ice, after a hail-storm in our first year. There's nothing better than a hot cup of coffee while you are completely soaked. And we have been lucky enough to do all that.

So, when in Gurgaon I found that rain was a luxury, my soul cried.... ok that was going a little overboard but i sure missed it. I have almost savoured every drop that i could. But 10-12 showers in the whole rainy seaon? (got wet 6-7 times).

Three words.... I NEED RAIN. Send it along, plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Friend

2007-10-01T08:33:00.000+05:30

Found this on someone's Shelfari notebook.
"
"Hi, Bookmarker..U have more friends than books in ur store.."
Yes, they are less expensive, more valuable and at times more interesting to read !"

Random Sundays

2007-09-19T13:27:00.000+05:30

What started as a stupid and lame, good for nothing second day of the weekend, ended in a very amazing manner.
One thing is for sure, when they say, the night is the darkest just before dawn, they aren't kidding. This would apply to our own mood, that i didn't know.

Started my day in a very mundane manner. woke up late, started reading Naipaul, came online, found no-one to chat to. Called a few friends, did whatever i could while being in my flat. Nothing helped. By the noon time, had reached the height of boredom. Wanted to do something, something so I could feel, I am alive. Anything, but I needed to get out of my room. Was so bored, that i finally decided, that I would just go for a trip. If someone accompanies me, well and good. Otherwise, i ll leave alone. Actually thought about going somewhere out of station, and repeating my kgp-kolkata-kgp trip. Asked Ashu, whether he would like to come with me for a random car ride in delhi. He declined (can't say, i didn't expect that. If he had got ready, that would have been a surprise.) Called, Shukla and he was game.
All this happened within half an hour. Booked a taxi for 8 hrs, and me and Shukla were out in the open, with no specific plans in mind. But boy what a day. Dilli Haat -> CP -> Central Park -> Dinner -> India Gate -> Saket (to pick anuradha) -> India Gate -> Saket (Dropped her) -> Home. And i was delighted. i still am. [:)]

Lessons learnt.
1) Start moving, Ppl join automatically.
2) No plans, no expectations, full masti.
3) Car back seat also becomes the best place to be, when you are with friends.
4) Dilli Haat is good for food. Especially the thukpa. wow!!!
5) Taxi services charge you extra 100 bucks if you have booked the taxi for late night, ie, after 11 pm.

Now, I know what i am going to do next weekend. Its so easy. I ll book a taxi and go for another ride to delhi, or maybe somewhere out of station. Hey I could go for a biking trip to jaipur or some nearby place, I am sure Shukla will be more than happy to come.

But then again, why care.

Saturday ki saturday ko dekhenge. Aaj, kaam karte hain. [:D]

The Test

2007-08-20T19:03:00.001+05:30

Found this very interesting test of your personality while stumbling around on the net. Do go thru this, nothing can come close to what this test tells about you.

http://homepage.bluewin.ch/Ysewijn/english_Barnum.htm

btw, i scored 66%.

Today

2007-07-27T15:13:00.000+05:30

Things that have gone wrong all along today. Had to do one small task of copying and pasting a set of data from one file to a template.

mistakes i made.
1. Selected an older template. The issues that had been sorted out were still there.
2. didn't populate the hidden tabs.
Infact I did populate the hidden tabs, only it was a little late.

what it led to...
1. D had to re-work on the issue of the template.
2. D had to re-work on the issue of the template.
3. D had to re-work on the issue of the template.
.
.
.
xx. Couldnot correct the mistake pointed out by D in the hidden tabs, so when i did populate the tabs, the mistakes surfaced again.

God!!! what a day i had. and there's still half of it more to go.

just in: moved away from the blogger, without posting the blog. thankgod, blogger autosaves.

voila!!!

2007-07-25T18:37:00.000+05:30

On a lazy saturday morning when you're lying in bed, drifting in and out of sleep, there is a space where fantasy and reality become one. Are you awake, or are you dreaming? You see people and things; some are familiar; some are strange. You talk, you feel, but you move without walking; you fly without wings. Your mind and you body exist, but on separate planes. Time stands still. For me, this is the feeling I have when ideas come.

Lynn Johnston.

Failed

2007-07-25T18:01:00.002+05:30

"What dream would you dream, if you knew you couldnot fail?" Has anyone ever wondered, what value does failure have? Why is it there?

Why do we fall? Well, a very apt answer was given to Bruce by his father," So that we might learn to pick ourselves up". But is it the only reason it is there. I mean if it was totally absent, we would never have to pick ourselves up. Then why exactly do we fail? Why is failure there? To find the answer to this question, lets first try to find the answer to the question that started this blog. When Dr. Robert Schuller, asked this question, i am sure people would have suddenly gone silent. I mean, if we knew, everything is possible and that we would definitely not fail, would we really do anything?

Although for me it would be a huge task to do anything, and even if we do, what would we do? I mean will there be any meaning left, any purpose left? Life is not a bed of roses, and i believe thats the reason its fun. Who likes roses anyways?

Now, lets try to twist the question a lil bit. What if, we knew the next dream we see, would become a reality. After that everything would come back to normal. But we will for sure know, that we won't fail in whatever we take up next. What would you start? If you have an answer to this question or the earlier one, do leave a comment.

as of me: "You don't fail until... you stop trying".
does it matter?

Beyond?

2007-07-20T12:22:00.000+05:30

Have you ever wondered, why we start crying when we are extremely happy and can't control our laughter; and when we go sad beyond help, we go "mad" and start laughing? I always, wondered what happens at the ends, the extremities, the pinnacles? Recently I listened to a song by Enigma, "I love you, I'll kill you." The part which caught my fancy the most were the following lines,

Look into the mirror of your soul
Love and hate are one in all
Sacrifice turns to revenge and believe me
You'll see the face who'll say:
I love you... I'll kill you...

Is it true? Can love when in its extremity, lose its identity and cause hate to grow. So, what really happens at the ends? Why is this confusion created? Why don't we act as is normally expected from a person? Is it a way to keep us away from something? Are we bound in some ways that even we don't understand? Can we let our passion grow only to a certain extent? People always said "passion knows no limits", and i wished it didn't. Chains in whatever form is suffocating. So, even if "He/She" says, not to go beyond, I would like to go there and see for myself, what lies there?

I think this is the "Maya" the philosophers have talked to us about for years. Beyond that, there is either everything, or nothing. Whatever that is, I want to experience it. To see beyond the boundaries, where love and hate, happiness and sadness, laughter and tears, everything meets and becomes one. To look beyond all of this. To reach where there is no confusion, where neither of these exist. To get freed from the chains.

800

2007-06-29T14:20:00.001+05:30

What exactly is a humorous article supposed to do? Make you laugh, bring a smile on your face or atleast make you appreciate the wit of the writer. Ofcourse, it can also make you bang your head on the wall several times over, or want to kill the person who dared to pen such a thing. But, for the time being lets concentrate on “humorus” write-ups. The articles that belong to the first category.

But even with this, have you ever been on the other side of the fence. Have you ever tried to write a humor article. To be very frank, it doesnot feel very good, especially when it feels like an assignment that you have to complete and submit to your proffessors. Once you are done with it, and if the stuff is good, it makes you proud. But, before the baby is born the labour pains are definitely there, and do they hurt?

I was asked to give an article of “around” 800 words. Now, would somebody tell me, why 800? Why was it not, 500 or 1000? What is so special about 800? Is it that below that number the article seems too short for you to realize that it was humorous, and bigger than that its hard for you to comprehend. But what is so special about “800”. Whatever your reasons are, I found some of the reasons world wide.

Before entering into the 800-mahima, I would like to tell every single one of you reading this baby of mine, I considered a lot of “topics” on which I could write. Movies. why is the fourth version of die hard accompanied with a decimal number? Biggest question, when will bruce willis realize that he is old enough to stop firing guns and running after crooks? Why don’t people in Hollywood realize that fantastic four was a terribly made movie and mistakes are mistakes only till you don’t repeat it. (ofcourse I’ll go to watch it, but only for Jessica alba’s sake)? And please, the biggest joke of all, “topi waale baba” aka himesh reshammiya (who it seems has gone extra mile to cover his head. burka?? Give me a break) thinks he is an actor too. Now that I call a real versatile personality. Kishore da, there’s someone here to challenge your position. Then I thought about the biggest topic of all. How the “bedard zamana” of corporate world hire people for their creativity and then work only to suppress the instincts.

But somehow, somewhere, “800” stuck up there. Is this number special? Ofcourse, it is. Did you know it’s a “harshad number”? haven’t heard about it? Well don’t worry, even I hadn’t before today. Although the number is so not-rare that I really ponder, was there really a need to give this a name. afterall, the first 200 natural numbers has 59 of them. Now, definitely I am not going to explain this to you. Find it yourself on wikipedia, you good for nothing souls. But this gives me a thought, I think I will start an anti-harshad number. This series would contain, all the numbers that are not harshad. Well, I am sure wikipedia will be more than happy to give some web-space for this. And even if it doesn’t, Uncyclopedia is always there.

What else could be special about 800? Did you know,

- The original toll-free area code for telephone calls in North American Numbering Plan and some other countries.

- It’s the sum of four consecutive prime numbers (193+197+199+211)

- It’s the international direct dial code for toll-free international phone calls.

- In the ISO rating standard (aka ISO 5800), it’s a common film speed for photographic films

- It’s the flight number of TWA flight 800.

- The Atari 800 home computer

- A perfect score for an individual section of the SAT test or on one of the SAT subject tests.

For me, 800 means

- “Dabba Gaadi” (Maruti 800)

- My conveyance allowance

- My cab rent per month. (coincidence? I don’t think so)

- My last month’s phone bill. (ok, it was 805.4 /-, but they said around 800, right?)

Anyways, I think I should stop this ramblings now with this summary of the article. The whole point of my writing this article was to make you understand the seriousness of the issue I raised, and to make you realize how we can help the society by being a true Indian. So, if you think you are a true Indian do vote for TAJ MAHAL to make it one of the seven wonders of the world. To know more details, goto the net and search for the link, I don’t remember that now. Also, I think you would have already got hundreds of forwards telling you to do the same.

And yeah by the way, the word count is 818. I guess its “around” 800.

I am Back

2007-06-19T14:45:00.000+05:30

Ok, OK. You dont have to applaud. I know you people missed me. Well, today i got my very own personal desk and a personal computer at my office. so till i get a comp of my own, i think i can still manage to make a few posts here.

btw, just to inform you. I am really liking it here. the crowd is young, work dynamic (as in, i dont have anything to do these days, except look at a few reports and understand what they had done earlier). hoping to get some good work, next week. Lets see what happens.

How is Gurgaon?? dude, get a life. are you going to keep asking me questions? chalo, since you have asked.. its good. though i really miss the trees. now dont ask any other such questions, i get sentimental.

girls? now, that is a valid and good question. well, what can i say, apples are red, but they are high up on the tree. will try to climb the tree, sometime later. abhi to i am "BUSY" with my "WORK".

now, signing off. see you with some good stuff, soon.

Chao.

Lessons learnt

2007-05-18T20:45:00.000+05:30

Perspective one:

Be the first to leave, most of the ppl are thr to see you off.
Be the last to arrive, again all of them are thr to welcome you

Perspective two:

Be the last to leave, so that you can say goobye to most of the guys in a very personal manner.
Be the first to arrive, you will be able to watch everyone come and join.

Today i leave IIT and i am the last in the wing to do so. am i sad? don't know. am i happy? definitely not.

Goodbye IIT. Hope to see u soon.

DFW

2007-05-17T08:00:00.000+05:30

Last night, i didn't know what to do. Dint feel like watching a movie/serial or even chatting. Lied to everyone that i'm feeling sleepy, i logged out and did nothing.

To pass time, i started walking up and down the wing, THE DFW. every single room had a lock on the door. Can't even try to express the gloom and loneliness that was there in the air. Its the mid of summer, and i could feel a chill running through my veins. Even the thought that we might not be able to meet again ,sit around and talk together, like we had done in last 3-4 years, sends a shiver down the spine.

But i guess, this is life. People come and people leave. Some leave a mark on you, and some go unnoticed. And what remains is a photo album, or a video or may be a few lines written by them for you. You see these and you realise what they really meant. You laugh at the good times spent, and smile at the small altercations that happened. But you never can move on. someone once told me that you make friends till you have entered the corporate world, after that thr are acquaintances. A person is very lucky if he can make a friend then, but its rare. I think even if i am not able to make any acquaintance, further in my life, i will still thank this life for the number and kind of friends it has given me till now.

Today, as i have just woken up, i secretly want someone to ask me, "bf?" in a chat window. I want someone to come to my room just to enter, sit, see me chatting or watching a movie and then leave without making a single remark. I want to go to a room adjacent to mine and complain about the kind of songs/movies/videos he likes. I want to shout from one end, asking some stupid question to a person, about something which even a dumb a$$^@!& can answer. I wish someone came to my room or i might have gone to his room and asked "sutta hai?" and most probably the answer from either side would be, "tck". I wish i could go and lay on one bed which is small for even one person with 4 others. Oh!!! I wish i could do this all, one more time.

But life has moved on. Missing you all guys. Missing you all.
Thankyou for bearing with me, and making me who i am.

The wing:
Ravish
Ding
Sumo
Gyanu
CKS
TJ
Rancho da
Adi
Shanku
Gupta
Kheti
Me
Chinkooo
Sinha
Hota.

Love you guys, always

huh!!!!

2007-05-15T23:13:00.000+05:30

Chinki left the institute today.

void

2007-05-10T13:13:00.000+05:30

how exactly is a person supposed to feel, when after a very trying and hectic schedule he suddenly has nothing to do? When he knows that finally he has reached the destination after a looooooong 5 year journey. Can someone tell me please??

coz i am feeling nothing. neither sadness nor elation. yesterday my project eval got over, and now i have to do nothing else for the "hard earned" degree from IIT. I mean, i had 2 straight nightouts, writing my thesis and preparing for the eval. and till the last moment i was anxious about the way i will react when its all over. but when it got over, i dint feel like shouting "freedom" and jumping with joy, which i naturally expected from me. Neither was i sad, that now i am jobless, atleast for a month. it was blank, a void.

so, if anyone knows how i should have felt, please tell me. i want to feel it.

Daydreams

2007-05-05T23:38:00.000+05:30

Today while i was taking in my daily dose of quotes, i found a very interesting one.

All religions will pass, but this will remain: simply sitting in a chair and looking in the distance. ~V.V.Rozanov

I wonder how many of us these days, actually daydream? With the kind of life we have been living we seldom get a chance to sit and relax. Life has become a race for most of us, (i say most of us, coz i happen to know ppl, who stand outside the race and sometimes even walk in the opposite direction). I remember as a kid, or for that matter, even a few years back i used to daydream a lot. The dreams i see have changed and evolved with time. But one thing that never changed is that it is a place where i am the happiest. Its not like i dont face challenges in my dreams. i do. but every dream ends in a happy ending and i end up smiling and feeling proud of myself.

When i was a child, i used to dream about having super-powers. I could fly, be invisible, have super-strength, could do gymnastics, have ultra sense of smell, sight etc etc. I would always have these and would use these to save people around me. I guess, i always wanted to be loved by one and all and den this felt to be the easiest way of getting attention. I mean who wouldn't look at you if you could fly at 100 miles an hr, or could break walls with one punch. The villains would fear me and others would love me.

Then the dreams took a little turn from the original. This time i still had superpower but i used this to save some damsel in distress, and everytime we would fall for each other and a romance would embark on. Around this very time whenever i would see a girl, i would dream about how i could have approached her and talked to her. In the end, for sure the girl got interested in me. (In reality i could hardly utter a single word infront of the opposite sex).

These days, i hardly get time to daydream, but if i do, its usually about the serious stuff. My career, my future, my life after IIT etc etc. I wish I could get back the innocence I had back then. I wish I could be a superman again, even though in my dreams. However hard i try I am not able to do that. I know that kid is still somewhere inside me, as if asking me to come find him.

Lets hope i do that. life is so simple and fun when seen from the eyes of a kid.

He does not need opium who has the gift of reverie. ~Anais Nin

Dying to live

2007-05-04T19:59:00.000+05:30

A few days back, i encountered a thread in an orkut community. It asked, what would you do, if u had just six minutes to live? First of all, i would also like to ask the same question to all the ppl visiting this blog. then if u want to tell me the answer, you can post a comment, with your answer.

some of the responses that i found were, "calling friends and family", "eating something delicious", "robbing a bank", "kissing my gf/bf/spouse/wife/kids/mother/father/.../... goodbye" etc etc. The first thing that came to my mind was, fly. Yes, i want to fly. I have wanted to fly for a very very long time now. I wish i had wings and i could have flown all around as fast as i could. I have always wanted to feel the air rush by my face, when i flew. This is the reason why i have always loved heights. Anyways, more about this passion and desire, sometime later. My answer to the question was, "I would climb the highest possible height in 5 minutes, take a deep breath and jump from thr." Now, i think you people would have understood why i wanted to do this. I wanted to fly and this would bring me closest to flying, it would be my last minute anyway.

A friend of mine said, this is ridiculous, and that this somehow contradicts my views about optimism and life. He thinks this is suicide, and suicide can never be justified. But is it suicide?? Is there no difference between, "dying coz u dont want to live" and "dying coz u want to live the last moment"? I always felt, if i could fly just once i would have lived my life to the hilt. And i think this if i was suposed to die, was the last and nearest chance to feel that.

Now this is my view. I know some of you might not concur. But this is how i feel. Do write the answer to the question.

Orkut

2007-05-03T03:16:00.000+05:30

If you are added in my friendlist, and if you are a frequent visitor to your orkut profile, you would have found that, my profile keeps changing. Now any one would want to know, why do i keep doing this? I never thought much on this topic, till i had a small discussion over this with KT. well, the discussion wasn't exactly about this, but my profiles got a mention in the discussion. I dont remember what the discussion actually was about, or when exactly this happened, but this made me realise two things.

To some extent this is the answer to the question many of you have asked me, and recently i have asked myself. Why do i change my profile so often?

The answer that popped up in my mind, basically gave me two reasons (for some ppl, there is a third reason too).
1> I get bored of myself.
2> This is the only place i can see where i am able to give a vent to my thoughts.

You get bored of yourself?? Isn't it weird??
Yeah, I think it could be. But then again, who defines weird? Just imagine, doing the same job over and over again, living in the same place for years, having the same routine for a long long time. Doesn't it sound boring?? For me, so is being me. Now, I dont consider myself to be a boring character. I think i am quite interesting, (hmmm............................... yeah, I am). But sometimes being interesting can be monotonous. I want to be boring, sometimes.

Oh, its getting too complicated. Let me start again. Well, I wish i could live a thousand lives. I wish i could be a new person everyday. I just wish i could wakeup one day, realising i am a writer, instead of a student, and another day i am a dancer or maybe an actor, or even more absurd, some other species instead of being human. Alas!!! if only this was possible. I could have seen this beautiful/ugly world through so many different eyes and have so many different perceptions. Well, since this is not possible, i try to make up for it thru my orkut profiles. I love being lost one day, to be found as a tiger the next day. If i could be the all powerful one day and the weakest one the other. well, this is what it is for me, Life.

Now the second reason. I tried my hand at blogging. failed miserably. I thought i could write poems, but no one would read it the second time (as if, the first was any less painful). I tried my hand at sketching and painting but found every other person was a better artist. Now, this i thought was different, and i could say whatever i want to, by being whatever i want to. Isn't it interesting?

I know many of you wont understand this. I dont expect you to. I know i am weird (though, i call it "being different"). But then again, whats the fun in being one of a million, when you can be one in a million?

Do it anyway

2006-05-17T00:12:00.000+05:30

People are unreasonable, illogical and self-centered.
Love them anyway.

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.

If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.

The biggest person with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest person with the smallest mind.
Think big anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.

People really need help but may attack if you help them.
Help people anyway.

Give the world the best you have and you might get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you've got anyway.

Dr. Kent M. Keith

American Author and Inspirational Speaker

2006-04-29T22:08:00.000+05:30

Before i came to IIT.

Smoking: never
Drinking: never

In IIT.

Smoking: never
Drinking: occasionally

A few days back.

Smoking: did that once
Drinking: occasionally

What has changed in the last few years. From a non-drinker, non-smoker i have turned into something else. i still remember the time when i could say very proudly (and man, was i proud) i dont smoke, i dont drink. atleast this was one field where i could see eye to eye with my parents. now i cant. last time when rinki didi asked me whether i drink or not, it was so dificult for me to lie on her face. i think she got that. i think she understood. it written all over her face. isn't it wrong to lie to the ppl u love?? y do we do things that we cant be proud of?? chalo, still i cud somehow convince myself, that drinking is not so bad as it seems (although i still cant think of a reason y is it necessary to drink). but, i was averse to the smoking. how could i ever do that??
U wont understand how thankful I am to Iyer. I just wish every one found a friend like him. He stopped me just in time. He caught my arm, just when i was about to take the leap in the unseen. In his words.. " there's just a thin wall between, 'why should I??' and 'why shouldn't I??'. Don't ever cross that wall. because, its very difficult to come back." I would always remember those words Iyer. and i would always be thankful to you. For being their when I needed a friend the most. I did smoke that night. and I am not proud of that. I succumbed to the pressure from around. the pressure that is so much prevalent and still we r not able to feel it, till we bow down. Now I can understand what goes wrong with young people. Now, I can see why Anshu must have started smoking.
Oh God!! help me get out of this burden and let me help someone come out of this cycle. Let me be a friend to someone in trouble.
One thing is for sure, I won't smoke. no never.

2006-04-18T06:55:00.000+05:30

Lyrics by Don Schlitz
As Performed by Kenny Rogers

The greatest little boy, in a baseball hat,
stands in the field, with his ball and bat.
Says "I am the greatest player of them all!"
He puts his bat on his shoulder,
and he tosses up his ball.

And the ball goes up, and the ball comes down,
and he swings his bat all the way around.
The world's so still you can hear the sound,
as the baseball falls, to the ground.

Now the little boy doesn't say a word...
Picks up his ball. He is undeterred.
Says, "I am the greatest there has ever been!"
And he grits his teeth. And he tries it again.

And the ball goes up, and the ball comes down,
and he swings his bat all the way around.
And the world's so still you can hear the sound,
as the baseball falls, to the ground.

He makes no excuses; he shows no fear
He just closes his eyes, and listens to the cheers.

Now the little boy, he adjusts his hat.
Picks up his ball. Stares at his bat.
Says "I am the greatest, and the game is on the line!"
So he gives his all, one last time.

And the ball goes up, like the moon so bright,
swings his bat, with all his might.
And the world's as still as still can be,
and the baseball falls; and that's strike 3.

Now it's supper time, and his momma calls.
Little boy starts home, with his bat and ball.
Says, "I am the greatest, that is a fact...
but even I didn't know, I could pitch like that!"