Lessons learnt

Perspective one:

Be the first to leave, most of the ppl are thr to see you off.
Be the last to arrive, again all of them are thr to welcome you

Perspective two:

Be the last to leave, so that you can say goobye to most of the guys in a very personal manner.
Be the first to arrive, you will be able to watch everyone come and join.


Today i leave IIT and i am the last in the wing to do so. am i sad? don't know. am i happy? definitely not.

Goodbye IIT. Hope to see u soon.

DFW

Last night, i didn't know what to do. Dint feel like watching a movie/serial or even chatting. Lied to everyone that i'm feeling sleepy, i logged out and did nothing.

To pass time, i started walking up and down the wing, THE DFW. every single room had a lock on the door. Can't even try to express the gloom and loneliness that was there in the air. Its the mid of summer, and i could feel a chill running through my veins. Even the thought that we might not be able to meet again ,sit around and talk together, like we had done in last 3-4 years, sends a shiver down the spine.

But i guess, this is life. People come and people leave. Some leave a mark on you, and some go unnoticed. And what remains is a photo album, or a video or may be a few lines written by them for you. You see these and you realise what they really meant. You laugh at the good times spent, and smile at the small altercations that happened. But you never can move on. someone once told me that you make friends till you have entered the corporate world, after that thr are acquaintances. A person is very lucky if he can make a friend then, but its rare. I think even if i am not able to make any acquaintance, further in my life, i will still thank this life for the number and kind of friends it has given me till now.

Today, as i have just woken up, i secretly want someone to ask me, "bf?" in a chat window. I want someone to come to my room just to enter, sit, see me chatting or watching a movie and then leave without making a single remark. I want to go to a room adjacent to mine and complain about the kind of songs/movies/videos he likes. I want to shout from one end, asking some stupid question to a person, about something which even a dumb a$$^@!& can answer. I wish someone came to my room or i might have gone to his room and asked "sutta hai?" and most probably the answer from either side would be, "tck". I wish i could go and lay on one bed which is small for even one person with 4 others. Oh!!! I wish i could do this all, one more time.

But life has moved on. Missing you all guys. Missing you all.
Thankyou for bearing with me, and making me who i am.

The wing:
Ravish
Ding
Sumo
Gyanu
CKS
TJ
Rancho da
Adi
Shanku
Gupta
Kheti
Me
Chinkooo
Sinha
Hota.

Love you guys, always

huh!!!!

Chinki left the institute today.

void

how exactly is a person supposed to feel, when after a very trying and hectic schedule he suddenly has nothing to do? When he knows that finally he has reached the destination after a looooooong 5 year journey. Can someone tell me please??

coz i am feeling nothing. neither sadness nor elation. yesterday my project eval got over, and now i have to do nothing else for the "hard earned" degree from IIT. I mean, i had 2 straight nightouts, writing my thesis and preparing for the eval. and till the last moment i was anxious about the way i will react when its all over. but when it got over, i dint feel like shouting "freedom" and jumping with joy, which i naturally expected from me. Neither was i sad, that now i am jobless, atleast for a month. it was blank, a void.

so, if anyone knows how i should have felt, please tell me. i want to feel it.

Daydreams

Today while i was taking in my daily dose of quotes, i found a very interesting one.

All religions will pass, but this will remain: simply sitting in a chair and looking in the distance. ~V.V.Rozanov

I wonder how many of us these days, actually daydream? With the kind of life we have been living we seldom get a chance to sit and relax. Life has become a race for most of us, (i say most of us, coz i happen to know ppl, who stand outside the race and sometimes even walk in the opposite direction). I remember as a kid, or for that matter, even a few years back i used to daydream a lot. The dreams i see have changed and evolved with time. But one thing that never changed is that it is a place where i am the happiest. Its not like i dont face challenges in my dreams. i do. but every dream ends in a happy ending and i end up smiling and feeling proud of myself.

When i was a child, i used to dream about having super-powers. I could fly, be invisible, have super-strength, could do gymnastics, have ultra sense of smell, sight etc etc. I would always have these and would use these to save people around me. I guess, i always wanted to be loved by one and all and den this felt to be the easiest way of getting attention. I mean who wouldn't look at you if you could fly at 100 miles an hr, or could break walls with one punch. The villains would fear me and others would love me.

Then the dreams took a little turn from the original. This time i still had superpower but i used this to save some damsel in distress, and everytime we would fall for each other and a romance would embark on. Around this very time whenever i would see a girl, i would dream about how i could have approached her and talked to her. In the end, for sure the girl got interested in me. (In reality i could hardly utter a single word infront of the opposite sex).

These days, i hardly get time to daydream, but if i do, its usually about the serious stuff. My career, my future, my life after IIT etc etc. I wish I could get back the innocence I had back then. I wish I could be a superman again, even though in my dreams. However hard i try I am not able to do that. I know that kid is still somewhere inside me, as if asking me to come find him.

Lets hope i do that. life is so simple and fun when seen from the eyes of a kid.

He does not need opium who has the gift of reverie. ~Anais Nin

Dying to live

A few days back, i encountered a thread in an orkut community. It asked, what would you do, if u had just six minutes to live? First of all, i would also like to ask the same question to all the ppl visiting this blog. then if u want to tell me the answer, you can post a comment, with your answer.

some of the responses that i found were, "calling friends and family", "eating something delicious", "robbing a bank", "kissing my gf/bf/spouse/wife/kids/mother/father/.../... goodbye" etc etc. The first thing that came to my mind was, fly. Yes, i want to fly. I have wanted to fly for a very very long time now. I wish i had wings and i could have flown all around as fast as i could. I have always wanted to feel the air rush by my face, when i flew. This is the reason why i have always loved heights. Anyways, more about this passion and desire, sometime later. My answer to the question was, "I would climb the highest possible height in 5 minutes, take a deep breath and jump from thr." Now, i think you people would have understood why i wanted to do this. I wanted to fly and this would bring me closest to flying, it would be my last minute anyway.

A friend of mine said, this is ridiculous, and that this somehow contradicts my views about optimism and life. He thinks this is suicide, and suicide can never be justified. But is it suicide?? Is there no difference between, "dying coz u dont want to live" and "dying coz u want to live the last moment"? I always felt, if i could fly just once i would have lived my life to the hilt. And i think this if i was suposed to die, was the last and nearest chance to feel that.

Now this is my view. I know some of you might not concur. But this is how i feel. Do write the answer to the question.

Orkut

If you are added in my friendlist, and if you are a frequent visitor to your orkut profile, you would have found that, my profile keeps changing. Now any one would want to know, why do i keep doing this? I never thought much on this topic, till i had a small discussion over this with KT. well, the discussion wasn't exactly about this, but my profiles got a mention in the discussion. I dont remember what the discussion actually was about, or when exactly this happened, but this made me realise two things.

To some extent this is the answer to the question many of you have asked me, and recently i have asked myself. Why do i change my profile so often?

The answer that popped up in my mind, basically gave me two reasons (for some ppl, there is a third reason too).
1> I get bored of myself.
2> This is the only place i can see where i am able to give a vent to my thoughts.

You get bored of yourself?? Isn't it weird??
Yeah, I think it could be. But then again, who defines weird? Just imagine, doing the same job over and over again, living in the same place for years, having the same routine for a long long time. Doesn't it sound boring?? For me, so is being me. Now, I dont consider myself to be a boring character. I think i am quite interesting, (hmmm............................... yeah, I am). But sometimes being interesting can be monotonous. I want to be boring, sometimes.

Oh, its getting too complicated. Let me start again. Well, I wish i could live a thousand lives. I wish i could be a new person everyday. I just wish i could wakeup one day, realising i am a writer, instead of a student, and another day i am a dancer or maybe an actor, or even more absurd, some other species instead of being human. Alas!!! if only this was possible. I could have seen this beautiful/ugly world through so many different eyes and have so many different perceptions. Well, since this is not possible, i try to make up for it thru my orkut profiles. I love being lost one day, to be found as a tiger the next day. If i could be the all powerful one day and the weakest one the other. well, this is what it is for me, Life.

Now the second reason. I tried my hand at blogging. failed miserably. I thought i could write poems, but no one would read it the second time (as if, the first was any less painful). I tried my hand at sketching and painting but found every other person was a better artist. Now, this i thought was different, and i could say whatever i want to, by being whatever i want to. Isn't it interesting?

I know many of you wont understand this. I dont expect you to. I know i am weird (though, i call it "being different"). But then again, whats the fun in being one of a million, when you can be one in a million?