If you are added in my friendlist, and if you are a frequent visitor to your orkut profile, you would have found that, my profile keeps changing. Now any one would want to know, why do i keep doing this? I never thought much on this topic, till i had a small discussion over this with KT. well, the discussion wasn't exactly about this, but my profiles got a mention in the discussion. I dont remember what the discussion actually was about, or when exactly this happened, but this made me realise two things.To some extent this is the answer to the question many of you have asked me, and recently i have asked myself. Why do i change my profile so often?
The answer that popped up in my mind, basically gave me two reasons (for some ppl, there is a third reason too).
1> I get bored of myself.
2> This is the only place i can see where i am able to give a vent to my thoughts.
You get bored of yourself?? Isn't it weird??
Yeah, I think it could be. But then again, who defines weird? Just imagine, doing the same job over and over again, living in the same place for years, having the same routine for a long long time. Doesn't it sound boring?? For me, so is being me. Now, I dont consider myself to be a boring character. I think i am quite interesting, (hmmm............................... yeah, I am). But sometimes being interesting can be monotonous. I want to be boring, sometimes.
Oh, its getting too complicated. Let me start again. Well, I wish i could live a thousand lives. I wish i could be a new person everyday. I just wish i could wakeup one day, realising i am a writer, instead of a student, and another day i am a dancer or maybe an actor, or even more absurd, some other species instead of being human. Alas!!! if only this was possible. I could have seen this beautiful/ugly world through so many different eyes and have so many different perceptions. Well, since this is not possible, i try to make up for it thru my orkut profiles. I love being lost one day, to be found as a tiger the next day. If i could be the all powerful one day and the weakest one the other. well, this is what it is for me, Life.
Now the second reason. I tried my hand at blogging. failed miserably. I thought i could write poems, but no one would read it the second time (as if, the first was any less painful). I tried my hand at sketching and painting but found every other person was a better artist. Now, this i thought was different, and i could say whatever i want to, by being whatever i want to. Isn't it interesting?
I know many of you wont understand this. I dont expect you to. I know i am weird (though, i call it "being different"). But then again, whats the fun in being one of a million, when you can be one in a million?
3 comments:
hmmm, i won't say that i identify with what you have written but i can sure understand it. This is the tragedy of being intellectual; it's a curse in some ways. :(
Hmm...you've framed it excellently. We get bored if everything exterior gives the same unchanging response to us(we being the stimuli)...and end up expecting different perceptions of ourselves on their part...which to some extent is responsible for whatever perception we form of ourselves...so there are days when we wish to arouse fear in the hearts of many in the evening...and wannabe be showered with love at the night!!...hell, there are phases when we expect different responses even from the poor mirror everytime we look at it :D...
- KT
I totally relate to you on this. As you may have noticed, my profile is always changing as well. My pictures changes almost dayly, and my "about me" always contains whichever of my poems I feel is best describing my mood at the time. I guess some people look at my changing picture and think I am vain or something. But the truth is, I really dislike the way I look. I get very tired of seeing the same me, day after day. I have tried to cut back on the changes , to save time, but always find myself, like as my Mother did monthy, with the furniture in our house ,changing things about, trying to improve or interest myself in me. I don't think I am comfortible with myself. Sadly, self exceptance can't come from anyone else. So until I find a way to love who I am, I'm sure the changes will continue. I try to tell myself that it's ok, and that constantly evaulving is a good thing, but I think I lack stability I desire.
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